"Baby I feel so sick." "I know babe so do I" "No, but like really sick I'm so cold and I hurt all over" "I know babe I feel the same, we just need to ride it out for a couple of days" and I leaned over and kissed him. "Oh baby I love you so much, it hurts and I'm so cold...you don't get it, I feel worse then you. I have Man Flu!" Man Flu?!? WTF?!?
Man Flu (taken directly from http://www.manflu.info/)
Man Flu is a crippling and debilitating disorder indiscriminately striking down male members of the human species without warning. The illness is often referred to pejoratively by female members of the species who are in fact immune from the illness as man flu is now known to exclusively attack the XY chromosome carrier. If Man Flu is kind enough not to kill the infected party it will definitely leave him weak, sick, hurting everywhere and in dire need of TLC.
Medical professionals now also widely recognise that self diagnosis by the sufferer is the best means of identification as the symptoms of Man Flu are far more severe than the simple common cold which predominantly targets the XX chromosome holders (i.e. females). This goes some way to explain the cynicism some women display towards their male counterparts.
Medical professionals now also widely recognise that self diagnosis by the sufferer is the best means of identification as the symptoms of Man Flu are far more severe than the simple common cold which predominantly targets the XX chromosome holders (i.e. females). This goes some way to explain the cynicism some women display towards their male counterparts.
You have to be kidding me right?!?
I remember my mum telling me about this when I was younger, she warned me a that no matter what pain and agony we as women endure, men will always say they have it worse.
The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth
TRUE - Though at least with child birth it's all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks...haha ya right
I must say, the term "Mother knows best" is so true...she was so right about this thing called Man Flu.
"He is claiming to have Man Flu" "Oh man, Man Flu is the worst thing ever" yells one of the gus from the pool. "your kidding me right?" "no way, it's horrible it can kill you" says another one from the pool. "Yes but we are both sick and have all the same symptoms, I feel just as awful as he does." "No you don't he has Man Flu, you just have flu." "There is no way he feels worse then I do...he is not going to die."
Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men.
FALSE - Man Flu is a serious and potentially life threatening illness, and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety Executive's list of Reportable Diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold."you guys actually believe this" "believe it? there is nothing to believe it exists and its horrible" "Babe they actually believe you." "Of course they do. Man Flu is horrible, you can never get it because you have ovaries"
Women can catch Man Flu
FALSE - Man Flu does not attack humans with the XX chromosome, only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may account for the reason that women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure. The best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of Night Nurse, Day Nurse, chicken noodle soup and whiskey.
FALSE - There is no cure for Man Flu. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death."Baby I'm so cold, I think I see a 'the light' " "Ok now you are pushing it. I'm sick to and feel like shit and I am not winjing about it the way you are. Get out of bed."
The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just 'get on with it'
FALSE - Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend / wife."I'm sick too you are not getting any sympathy from me." Then he pulls out his iPhone (obviously still capable of using it) and shows me a a page on a website - http://www.manflu.info/ (obviously not to sick to do that either). "Babe look" he says in a sweet little innocent voice.
So I read:
If you find yourself in the position of primary carer for your boyfriend or husband then DO NOT PANIC. As explained elsewhere on this site you are completely immune from Man Flu.
Your beloved will shortly become completely dependant on you, requiring you to tend to his every need. Do not shun any request, don't forget that the affliction that he's suffering from is hundreds of times worse than the simple affliction which you know and understand as the common cold.
There are three distinct stages to Man Flu and it's important you know your responsibilities :
"Wait a minute. Responsibilities?!? Babe come on now this is going over board." "Not if you want me to get better it's not. You want me to get better don't you?"
Stage 1 - I think I'm coming down with a cold. Don't forget, even medical experts recommend self diagnosis, and ALL men are experts at recognising the early stages. Here you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration. Preferred responses will be along the lines of, "There there, can I get you some chicken noodle soup and put your favourite Police! Camera! Action! DVD on?". This stage can last from one to three days.
Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the 'flu. Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now. - except of course to go on his iPhone and show me this website. I'm sure doing it almost killed him - There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He will present a red and sniffly nose, and a phantom fever. Do not mention <begin sarcasm˃ Man 'Flu <end sarcasm˃. Instead continue to serve comfort food and provide him with a selection of men's magazines (such as FHM or Maxim) to take his mind off the illness ravaging his poor body. You may also be required to gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened sponge or massage his feet. This life threatening stage may last from three to five days.
I here him laughing from the top bunk.
Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but I think it's going. By now your beloved will be physically exhausted. He will have spent the previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have pulled through. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa. Hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done. This stage can typically last from six to ten days. Please be aware that any sarcastic references to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the life threatening stage 2. He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to being tasked with household tasks.
Good luck.
"haha good luck huh. Good luck to you baby!" "but it hurts" "your ass is going to hurt when I shove my foot up there in a minute."
Can you believe it? Man Flu? Really? Do they actually think we believe this? They are the simple minded ones not us
Anyways we are both better now, its just more of a sinus infection now with a cough. Yes, Dan survived, he didn't die, he is doing well....well enough to cook me dinner tonight!
*all in formation quoted was from the website http://www.manflu.info/ If you know any man that claims to suffer from it or a woman that has a man claiming to suffer from it ....god help them both!
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